I want this year to be my "travel year".

Last February, I experienced riding an airplane all by myself to attend a three-day Language Conference.

Last April, I had my first out of the country trip with two of my friends. We went to Bangkok, Thailand for four days. Went on the usual City tour. And went overly crazy, spending most of our time shopping for clothes, clothes, and clothes.

Two weeks ago, I went to an amusement park and rode the roller coaster and Viking. For the first ride, my eyes were tightly shut. For the second ride, me and my friend grabbed my sister's hands tightly. And I realized I can't scream like the others when riding such things. My fear kept my mouth shut. I guess I won't be riding them again.

Three days from now, I'll be out of town visiting what my sister describes as "one of the world's best underground river". As of now, I'm pretty sure I'd be spending most of the time locked up in our hotel room or trying out the hotel amenities than go island hopping or touring or whatever tourists do. Or I'll wake up in a really good mood and would want to go for an adventure, and may be even meet new acquaintances.

And new things will happen very soon. Starting off with me going to the salon to have my long hair cut and have a new hair color. Then me, moving on to a newer environment.

P.S. As I have missed writing so much, I'll be posting for at least once in two months. Not that I have much to say or write about. :p

P.P.S. Also, I'd like to tell you that this May, I have been handling a Philosophy class for 29 undergraduate students. I'm still not getting used to being called Ma'am during class hours.

P.P.P.S. I am half way done on my MA degree. And it just dawned on me that on our batch, I am the only one taking up a major in Philosophy.

P.P.P.P.S. Earlier this year, I saw Nicholas Sparks, took a picture with him, and had my latest copy of his book signed by him.

P.P.P.P.P.S. And yes, I know this entry seems to be incoherent. I know I'm just blabbing about what went in my life so far this year. But I just felt the urge to write here again. So here I am. Typing. And no, I'm not in the mood to edit whatever it is that I have typed (and talked about). So please, bear with me for all this chatter.

P.P.P.P.P.P.S. And I'd like to say how glad I am that I'm back, and I hope you are doing fine as well. :p

Meek.

Introverted.

Shy.

These words sum up what new acquaintances usually, almost always, describe me when they are asked to or when they have the courage to run the risk of facing what they call my "seriousness".

I get them a lot that I stopped worrying about what people might think of me.

Those words were never enough for me to render myself weak.

Besides, when needed, I can speak for myself, thank you very much.

Yet lately, I find myself delving deeper.

I shudder at the thought of facing other people.

I became shy (or "shy-er" if there's such a word).

I became introverted.

I became meek.

And slowly, although I tried not to, I am becoming submissive.

"Yes." How many times do I get to say that in a day? In a week? 

I miss saying "No" and being able to explain myself. I bet my undergraduate professors, even my current graduate studies professor would raise their eyebrows at me.

The fascinating, and most satisfying moments I had during my undergrad years were the conversations (before, in between, during, and after classes) with my classmates, my batch mates, and even my professors. Sometimes even asking the questions, and being answered with more questions were part of the fun, the excitement, the thrill that someone asks the same questions as you. The discovery that the seemingly simple questions turn out to be among the hardest ones. "Who are you?" "What's the shape of the table in front of you?" "Is your seatmate the same person as yesterday?" "Is there a chalk or an eraser on the next room?" Questions were welcomed. Attempt to answer the questions were encouraged.

I miss philosophy. I miss studying it. I miss doing it.

I miss my philosophy professors. I miss my philosophy classmates, my philosophy batch mates, my philosophy friends.

I miss being able to ask questions without running the risk of being told I'm not supposed to ask such questions.

The thing I hate the most is people belittling my course. Instead of arguing more, I console myself. It's not that they know better. It's just that they care less. They do not care enough to even bother to realize that their conception of reality should not be my conception too. That their idea of right or wrong may not be close to mine. That although their opinion matters, mine does too.

If only I weren't this shy.

I would've said these out loud. 

I remember feeling uncertain while writing my last entry. It was the time when I was getting ready to attend my first job interview. It didn't even occur to me that I would sit back and remember that moment with a smile on my face.

1. First job invitation
- It was at the end of August, two HRs of the company called me and told me I was scheduled for an interview. I said yes but didn't go through it. They called
again. Still, I didn't feel like going through it.

2. First job interview
- I got a text message informing me that I am to be interviewed before lunch the following day. I did not know how to prepare. All I did was to memorize the
company name minutes before the interview.

When I entered the room, I saw the college dean and one professor (who would later turn out to be my potential boss). Due to my nervousness, I can only recall
some of the questions that they asked me.

The first question was, "Tell me about yourself." It seems easy. But once you take a look at it, how can you
summarize who you are? Point out your strong points. Yeah, like that's real easy. The college dean must have felt how nervous I was and so she asked me
if it was my first interview. "Yes. Yes, ma'am."

The next question was, "What do you know about the position you're
applying for?" That question started it all. I kept on smiling, grinning even after that. I didn't know what position I was applying for. All I know was that
I received a text message. And that the text message said, "You are qualified for interview as Project Staff." Project Staff? What is that?
And so, I answered the first thing that came into my mind, "Research. Something to do with Research." Not quite, but I was told that my answer was close though. 

The last question was, "How much do you think you should be paid for this job?" With the newbie that I was, I said something that can only be summed up
as, "I don't know." The two interviewers lectured on how I should be prepared for this type of question. And I am. Believe me, I am. I remembered reading
somewhere else, "Don't sell yourself too short. But don't ask for too much either." So I figured an amount that I believe fits a fresh graduate. Upon answering,
the college dean said, "Very good. Very good answer." And then she smiled and shook my hand. And the professor stood up, smiled, shook my hand too and before showing me the
way out, said, "We'll let you know."

In the movies, and in the stories I have read, being told "We'll let you know" usually means "Better find another job opening." Plus, I remembered smiling,
grinning, even laughing all throughout the interview. I thought I didn't stand a chance against the four others that were interviewed for the same position
that day. But a month later, I got a phone call telling me that I got the job.

But the call was a little too late because I accepted a job and signed a contract a day before the phone call.

3. First job
- After the first interview fiasco, I went back home and carried on enjoying my long long (I don't know how much longer) vacation. Two days after, my roommate
emailed me and asked about my job interview. I replied that I'm putting it behind me as all I remember doing was smiling all through out. And then she asked me,
"How about working in our company?" Five minutes later, I started emailing her my cv and then she replied with, "My colleague will interview you tomorrow at
9am." The first thing I asked her was, "She won't ask me to tell her about myself, right?"

At 9am the following morning, I found myself sipping coffee at my roommate's office, while waiting for my interviewer. She arrived an hour later. She
interviewed me but did not ask much since she said she had been reading my resume since yesterday. She then handed me a thick report and instructed me
to react on it by writing an essay. And I did so for two hours.

At 1pm on that very same day, I started working.

The next day I met the big bosses and signed a contract.

4. First time to ride an airplane alone and to travel all over the country alone
- Airplanes usually scare me. I remember back in sixth grade where I practically held on for dear life when I felt the plane move upwards. My seatmate had to
keep on reassuring me with, "Breathe. Deep breath. Whooo. Whoo.." But now I look forward to every plane ride.

The thing I love most about this job is that it allows me to travel all over the country. Travelling gets tiring but the experience of meeting new people,
gaining insights from different sorts of people, relating and understanding, realizing that there's a lot a whole lot more to learn outside.

5. First pay check
- I was close to tears when I finally received my first pay check. All that was going through my mind was, "I've worked hard for this. This is my money." I
actually wanted to frame the money I got had it not been because of my roommate who pointed out that I should scan the cheque instead, then print it and
frame it. I still haven't printed the scanned cheque. I will. Someday.

6. First day of graduate school
- I can't believe I passed the entrance examination. I am now taking up my master's degree. Even if I am the youngest in class, I enjoy attending every class
meeting.

7. First time to wear red nail polish
- My roommates had been telling me that I should try painting my nails red. I envisioned doing so would be inappropriate. But I found the result fits my
skin color. And realized that wearing red nail polish isn't so bad after all. Especially with nails cut short. Wouldn't dare do it with long nails though.

8. First time to have a real haircut
- I haven't cut my hair this short since 3rd grade. I'm used having really long hair. And now, I have shoulder-length hair.

I felt it was time. And I like, no, I love the result. The people I know who have seen me lately like it too. I'm liking it more and more each day.




1/1/2011

Old habits are hard to do away with. Say for instance last midnight, I still found myself jumping -- as if I'd still grow any taller. :p

I bought a planner. And I am making sure that I'd remind myself to write on it throughout the year. I actually started writing on it this morning.


I wish you a great year ahead.

Happy New Year!